Currently I'm just a guy who doesn't have a job.
I waste my time watch a movie or just play a game in my pc.

after watch so many movie or serial,
I wonder what kind of job that I will got,
what kind of job that I'll enjoy.

talk about job,
when I watch a serial about a hospital,
in one episode, a relatives of one doctor who work there is getting sick.
and for some reason, that doctor was suggested by her friend to not involved in the diagnostic about the patient.
the reason is "you can't take care the patient if get emotionaly attached with the patient, it will affect your judgment"
at that time, I think that explanation is acceptable,
but after that episode ended, I was thinking, how cruel is that, to watch your relatives get sick, and you can't do anything to help him/her, and yet you're a doctor.

in other serial,
The story is about a detective,
in one episode, he has a case that involved his friend.
and for same reason, his collagues scold him because he try to investigate it.
and I was thinking the same like in doctor case.
at first I was agree with the reason, and disagree later.

I'm still wondering bout it.
what's the right answer for it?
should they involved with their cases?or not?

I never expect to become part of your heart, I just want to see you smile and said "he used to loving me" when you see me.

Tomorrow I will go home..
to the place where my family are
I'm sure they will happy when they see my face,especially my mother, because It's almost a half of a year that I didn't come home.
and I'm not sure that I will be happy either to see them.
what kind of person that don't happy to see their family? either he/she has a guilt or they just a fuckin retard.
and which one is that stupid "me" up there?
Is that "me" has a guilt toward his family? or he's just a retard?

This "me" is just a normal boy,
He's like playing, hate study, sometimes doing a bad things, like other boy in the world, but I'm sure that not all boy, just majorities.
his parents raise him with all their love, they feed him, they buy him a toys, they buy him a book, they pay his school fee.
and he answer their love with his love too.
he go to school,in elementary he's scoring a good score in exam and else, get a good rank in class (not best tho).
and in middle school, he go to a middle class school, he's doing well there too, he got a good score in a final exam, and he's going to a best highschool in that town..and I guess this is his turning point.
for 3 years there, he never got a good score, let say he's just a middle man if we compare him to other student there.
He's not the best but not the worst, just so so.
but his parents still love him, they never angry to him just because he become a middle student there. they still proud of him. and because of that, he try his best to make them happy (at least that's what he said).
he study, not hard tho, just spent more time that he ussually did. and what the result.
he pass the exam to a best university in this country..
he come home, tell his parents and you can imagine how happy they were..
he go to that university, and because of that university is out of the town, he lives alone, far from his parents.
at first, he feel awkward with his new life.
no one prepare the food when he got home anymore.
no one wash his laundry anymore.
no one manage his money anymore.
and what do you think that he'll do? crying to his mom? go back home eery week?
nope, actually he's happy!
he let his laundry, he eat what he want, he empty his wallet empty.
why he do that? is he from a rich family that his parent will sent him a money when his wallet is empty? no!big no!
he came from a mere business man, even his father has many debt to sent him there.
so why he do that? the answer is clear like a crystal. he's IDIOT!!
he borrow money from his friends. not just once. he did that many time.
he always pay them back tho.

after six years he's there.
is he graduated already?no!
is he finishing his final project?no!
then what's he doing? he just sat in front of computer in his room.
he play a game, brows some site, chat with his friend.. like a nerd always do.
he came to this town with full support from his parents to study..
he study but not hard.
he came to class but not often.
and what do you expect from that attitude? of course he's got a problem with that.
and now he can't graduated from that university, he must move to other..
his teacher say that to him a long time ago, but untill now he's not telling his parent yet.
and now time is running out, he must tell them.
and he's not ready.

he got so many debt to pay, he must tell his parent the problem that he's sure will make his parent dissapointed even angry to him.
he now that this's because his own mistake. he's not blamming it to others.
he try to convince himself that this is a tough life that he lives..even he know that actually that his life is not tough, but just pathetic.




All of us now
Bent as we fall
To amorous light
We call out
Why are we so alone
Even with company?
If not the moon
Will us guide
Will then the street light?

All of us now
Breathe it like smoke
To know what it's like
Breathing to choke

Well for nine days
A small moth has
Tried to escape
Our bedroom

Why are we so alone
Even with company?
We are the prey
For each day
A striking distance

Why are we so alone
Even with company?
If not the moon
Will us guide
Will then the street light?

Why are we so alone
Even with company?
We are the prey
For each day
A striking distance

Behind the drapes - MEW

I just watch a serial from japanese TV..
I remember some guy talk to his teacher who has a great looking, he said " hey sensei, when we are all born as humans, why is it that some are good looking guys and some, unattractive guys, like me? It's a lie that we're all equal!

and I start to think, some people with a good looking face or body, sometimes lack in brain, or some people with a smart brain, they haven't got a good looking appearances, maybe not about face that handsome or beautiful, in some movie, a bookworm is identical with a weak body, they not good at sport or else..
and some sport guy is identical with a empty brain.
but that's not always tho..

we human, there must be something that we can brag about ourself because we're good at it, and there must be something that we can't brag because we're bad at it.

let see, me, not really a good looking guys, not a smart one, quite weak at sport. so what can I brag?
and what can you brag about yourself?

stupid? maybe I am..
I fail once, I got another chance..but I waste it.
and of course because of that I fail again.
yet I got another chance, and still I waste it.
It'll be miracle if I can make it of course,
and just like we know, miracle only happen in story.
and because of that I fail again.

so what am I?
Stupid? ah..that sounds right.