I always heard that "if you want to get a great success, you need to work hard", even if you have a talent or skill, if you keep lazy and not doing things right, don't ever think to achieve it.
let see, since I was a child, I always think that I'm not ordinary child like other child that I called my friend, when I'm in elementary school, even I never get a 1st rank in my class, but at least the worst rank that I ever got is 5th. and it keep going until I graduate in middle school. because of that I always think that I'm kinda genius. why is that? because even I'm not studying, I always smarter than my friend. and at that time I start to interested in to music, in the middle school a boy that can play music is look cool in front of the girls, or at least I think that way, so I start to learn playing a guitar, even I'm not good enough until now tho.
when I'm in highschool, I still think that I'm not an average boy, even my grade is dropping than when I'm in middle school, but I never got below 10th. I still don't realize that I need to study, I keep playing around, read a manga in class, listening to music when the teacher is explaining, rarely go to supplementary class. different from middle school, a boy that play sport is much cooler than a boy that can play a music. my friend ask me to join a basketball club in my school, and I don't know for what reason, I join them, even I didn't know how to play a basketball at that time. I'm not that bad tho until now, but not that good also lol.
when I graduated from highschool, I register into a intensive class for preparing a college exam, and again, in that class I still stand out than others, because of that i lost my interest to attend the class, I keep playing and playing, at that time I addicted to online games. even so I still accepted in a great university, much better than my friends who always study at that time. i got more cocky than ever.
but my life is get twisted from here, in the 1st year at the college, my life is still the same, I rarely study, rarely going to the class, keep playing, and the result is not bad, I pass all the class that I take. in the 2nd year, I'm getting worse, I never attend a class, always playing, and boom!! I just pass one class from 6 class that I take, and it's getting worse for another 4 year. and the result is I can't graduated from the college.
Many of my friend trying to console me, some of them even lecture me. they said that I didn't work hard, one of them even said that I didn't work at all. I still think every word they said to me untill now, "am I really that lazy?"
2-3 month after that incident, I make a decision, that I need to work myself harder, my senior ask me to work with him, I did my best there, I did every task he ask to me. I enjoy work with him, and I feel that it's work well. but in fact, it's beyond my imagination, he said that he can't work with me if i keep playing around, he never see me working he said, he can't see my passion he said. Dang!! I really don't know what to think at that time, my mind just go blank, "WHAT??, Is he kidding me?" I thought. I even finished an imposible task that he ask me. and yet he still think that I'm not working.
because of that I always wonder, "am I not working hard enough?" and I thinking back to my childhood memory, I always in the "middle", I never got a 1st place in class, but not in the bottom also, I'm not good enough playing guitar for my friend to ask me join their band, I'm not good enough playing basket for my coach ask me to playing in starter team, maybe my effort is not good enough too for my senior to ask me still work with him.
even I feel that I work hard for every things that I do (except study), but what did I get? just dissapoinment. I learn to play guitar until my finger bleed, I train harder that my teammate when playing basketball, I read and practice a programming language even I didn't sleep for several days, what do they expect me to do for they accept my effort? they still that it's not enough. for them I'm just an average boy.